Sibling Adjustments

It has been a week now since Zena joined our family and our dynamic has been forever altered. I knew things would change, but I was never able to imagine which path our relationships would follow.

My oldest has truly embraced her role as big sister. She not only looks out for her baby sister but she has adopted a more patient and loving attitude toward her little brother. While sitting in my room, nursing Zena or “resting,” I’ll hear her playing or talking or soothing her baby brother and my heart aches with the love and pride I feel for my first baby girl. She definitely has my maternal instinct - in fact I’m beginning to feel her instinct is so deeply developed at the tender age of 7 that she will be an indomitable maternal force when she reaches adulthood. She even keeps an eye out for me, picking up empty coffee mugs and re-filling the depleted diapers in the changing basket. I simply marvel at her.

I am especially grateful for my mother’s presence over the last week. Without her aide in keeping my three year old son occupied I would never have been able to spend some quality “Mama Time” with my Big Girl. Most recently, my daughter and I were able to make my triple chocolate brownies - from scratch! (Look out for the recipe later this week!)

My mother has definitely taken up the slack in regard to my son. He adores her and relished the one on one attention she gives him which I am finding difficult to offer while this little one needs me so. My boy is definitely finding his new role as big brother a challenge. I hold him and kiss him as much as I can but learning patience and the need to “share Mama” is a difficult task. My mother, in her infinite wisdom was successful in halting his regression from potty training. That alone is a small miracle. The biggest challenge he and I face right now is his distract and delay tactics, most notably at bedtime. He used to be able to be reasoned with about doing things he didn’t really want to do - like getting dressed, brushing teeth and getting ready for bed. (Well, to perfectly honest here, clothes were always a challenge; he prefers his birthday suit.) It’s at these key times though that I know he needs me most. He is not ignoring me or purposefully being difficult, he just wants his mama, and I’m still trying to figure out how to meet his needs while taking care of Zena’s needs at the same time.

We are only a week into a lifetime of change, and that our lives will continually evolve and transform. However, it is interesting to see what a difference a week makes in the lives of siblings.

How did your children acclimate to a new family member? What challenges did you, as individuals, have to overcome?